A hint of bitterness
by lady-in-denial
Summary: I should be happy for him, right? That's the right thing to do after all.. That's why.. I am happy for him. I ought to be.. kinda OOC
1. Prologue

Disclaimer: Nurarihyon No Mago doesn't belong to me.

Hello! RnR please?Tell me what do you think of the story and if ever the grammar is wrong. This is only the prologue. Thank you. Have a nice daaaayyyy!

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**Prologue**

"Well then, I'm off! See you later, Tsurara!" he said while waving his hands to me. I smiled at him and waved back, "Have fun, Rikuo-sama!"

Rikuo-sama left with a smile on his face. She's the only one who can do that. The only one who can make Rikuo-sama smile with so much happiness and contentment. Kana. Kana.. For the last few weeks, they've been going out. They may not have admitted that they're in a relationship; they already act like a couple. Their feelings for each other seem to be mutual.

I turned my back and saw Ao staring at me like I'm some freak of nature.

"Ao, what's the matter? Is there something on my face?" I asked.

"Aren't you going to stop him?"

"Your question seems a little bit off. Why would I stop master from doing things that would make him happy? I'm happy that he's happy." I answered, smiling at him.

And the monk just kept on staring at me, as if I've said something that is completely out of character. Well, I guess it is. I've been acting different ever since that incident.

"Nevermind." And he just walked away.

There was a gush of wind from the direction that Master went to and as I stared on to the path, I whispered to myself..

"I'm happy that he's happy, right? I should be so I am.."

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I know this is really short but.. I'm going to try to update again anytime this week. Just tell me what do you think, okay? Thank youuu. =))


	2. Chapter 1: Change

Disclaimer: Nurarihyon No Mago doesn't belong to me.

Hello! Thanks for the reviews. Here's another chapter. I hope you'll like it. =)) Thank you. Have a nice daaaaaay!

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**Change**

"_I'm sorry but I can't."_ I murmured in my sleep as a tear(which turned into ice) came streaming down my face.

"What can you not do?" That mesmerizing voice awoke me from the little nightmare I had. Red orbs stared at blue orbs. Silence filled the atmosphere. Finally, I smiled at him.

"Ah Rikuo-sama, it's nothing important. It's just a foolish nightmare of mine." I said while smiling. I decided to use this opportunity to look at my surroundings.

It's a full moon tonight. The wind is cold. Everyone's fast asleep. Well, everyone, except me and this yokai in front of me. Sitting under the Sakura tree, Rikuo-sama and I are caught in beautiful scenery. Sakura petals blown by the cold wind are surrounding us, making the area look peaceful, and complimenting the features of this beautiful creature in front of me.

The creature did his signature smirk, raised my chin, stared right into my eyes and spoke in his attractive voice, "Tsurara, could this foolish dream of yours be somehow related to me?"

This master of mine whether he is in his yokai or human form,never fails in making me lose my composure. I felt my cheeks heating up.

"Rikuo-sama, enough with the pranks. You wouldn't want me to tell Kana-chan what you've been doing, would you?"

A frown graced this amazing yokai's features and for a moment, I could've sworn I saw the human Rikuo-sama blend with his night form.

"You wouldn't.." He pouted.

"Oh.. I wouldn't? What do you think, Rikuo-sama~?" I asked him playfully in my singsong voice.

"Just kidding. I wouldn't do that, it would make you unhappy, right, Rikuo-sama?" Smiling at him, I asked.

He smiled back and said, "It's getting late, Tsurara. You'd better go back to sleep." He stood up and offered his hand to me, like any other gentleman in this world would, in order to assist me in standing up. Brushing away the dirt from my kimono, I answered him..

"Hai, Rikuo-sama. You too, you need to rest. You still have school tomorrow."

"Yes, Tsurara. Very well then, goodnight."

"Goodnight Rikuo-sama."

And with that, he turned his back on me to proceed on his room. As I watch his retreating back get further and further away from me, I started to dwell on my thoughts.

"_Old man, can I ask you something?" His usual smirk was gone. The only expression left was his being serious. _

_The old man in question seemed to have found the seriousness of the speaker's voice unusual and concluded that this must be something.. _

"_What is it, Rikuo?"_

"_I wanted to ask if the decrease in the amount of the yokai blood in the heir will affect the Nuragumi? Supposing I decide to marry a human.."_

_Nurarihyon smiled. His idiot of a grandson is finally starting to act like a grown up, isn't he? Having problems like this.. it is just so like him to worry about the effects of his decision on the clan rather than his own happiness.._

"_Is there a girl you want to marry?" He teased his grandson. _

"_Shut up old man. I'm just thinking of the possibilities." There goes the snide remark but still, his grandson can't stop the blush forming on his face._

"_It doesn't really matter if it's a human or yokai, what matters is if she's able to bring joy to you and to this household just like what Yohime, Otome and Wakana did." Nurarihyon didn't wait for his grandson to respond, instead, he left him to his thoughts._

Ever since that night, Rikuo-sama started going on dates with Kana. Ever since that night, it's been getting harder to force a smile on my face. Ever since that night, I've started to change.

Rikuo-sama.. even though he didn't mention it. I know there's a girl he's already thinking of marrying. I know it's probably Kana. He's been spending so much time with her and she's the only human he's really close with.

It pains me. It hurts. It really does. Seeing them together, I feel like my heart is being shattered into tiny pieces. But what can I do? There's nothing left for me to do except admit and accept the fact that he has someone else and it's not me. I'm just a servant. He's my master. I should learn my place and not ask for more, right? I should be happy for him. But I can't. I really can't. I smiled bitterly.

I just want all of it to stop. I need to rest. I want to rest. I want to change. I need to change. Slowly.. these thoughts have been starting to take its effect on me. I've stopped clinging onto Rikuo-sama. I've started to let him go. I've started to act my age, my real age.

I guess they noticed it. Maybe, that was the reason why Ao was staring at me earlier. I'm just really happy that no one has asked me why.. or maybe they are planning to they're just not brave enough. I hope they'll never get the courage to ask me because I'm still unsure. I'm still unsure of what I'll tell them when they do.

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Sooooo. what do you think? RnR please. Thank youuuuu. =))))


	3. Chapter 2: Meeting

Disclaimer: Nurarihyon no Mago doesn't belong to me.

I'm sorry I haven't updated in months? even though this chapter has been finished for quite a long time. It's just that I think it's too short so I wanted to at least add more but then it seems like the change I've made was lost due to some.. errors? ugh. Just when I've gotten out of my writer's block, the additional parts I've written.. ugh. nvm. so, regarding my other story, I've started working on it so.. yeah. wait for it, please? RnR please. thanks!

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When I said I needed to rest, I didn't mean this. This isn't exactly what I had in mind. School term has ended a few days ago. Summer vacation has started. Rikuo-sama brought his Hyakki Yakkou in the mountains in order to relax. He said that everyone seemed to be so busy and that we needed a break. We stayed at an inn that was owned by a yokai clan affiliated to the Nuragumi.

"Tsurara, are you sure you're just fine with staying here?" Kejorou asked for the nth time.

"I'm sure. I still need to unpack my things, anyway. Maybe I'll just join you guys in the hot spring later." I answered her. They're going to be taking a tour in the woods together with the others and I'm not in the mood to join them.

"Rikuo-sama is coming, you know." Kejorou finally decided to use her Rikuo card. But no, that's not going to work on me now.

I smiled at her, stood up and began pushing her to the door, "You'd better get going now, Kejorou. You wouldn't want to be left behind."

"Alright, alright. Goodbye, Tsurara. See you later." She waved at me and went on ahead.

I went back inside the room. What am I going to do now? I don't really feel like going out. I don't really feel like talking to anyone right now. Maybe I'll just go to the hot springs. There's probably nobody left behind except me so now's the right time if I want to be alone in the hot springs.

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Most Yuki Onna or should I say, all of us Yuki onna, are not fond of hot springs considering that the water is a little too hot for our liking and that we might get sick because of it. My mother once lost consciousness when she was in a hot spring because she got "careless" when she was controlling her fear. That is why I've already thought of a way to stay conscious while dipping in it.

When I got into the onsen,I removed the towel wrapped around my body though I still have my scarf on. I thought twice if I'm going to remove my scarf. Of course, I would look silly if I'm going in with it wrapped around my neck, wouldn't I? But I'm the only one here so no one would really see me looking ridiculous with my scarf on. In the end, I decided to remove it. After all, it's been a while since I've been in that form, my adult form. You wouldn't happen to think that this is how I really look like, would you?

Once I've removed my scarf, my hair got longer as they cascaded into waves. My golden eyes changed into a beautiful crimson. I got taller and my curves got wavier. I suddenly looked like the twin of my mother, Setsura except that my bangs stayed the same. I have this emotionless look on my face. This, this form is able to look like a true Yuki onna. Looking into my reflection on the water, I've realized how much I've missed this form of mine. When I was assigned the task to take care of Rikuo-sama when I was a child, I've always kept this part of me hidden. I'd be taking care of a child so I can't possibly look like this, I can't possibly be emotionless and cold. As I got older, my body also began to mature but somehow, I've managed to stay in my younger form. After all, I wouldn't be able to attend Rikuo-sama's school if I looked older. I wouldn't be able to stay by his side if that was the case. Because I had to take care of Rikuo-sama, I've decided to deviate from the path of a true Yuki onna. Because I had to take care of Rikuo-sama, I..I had to open up my heart to a lot of feelings and that is why I fell in love with him. That is also the reason why I'm hurt, but that is also the reason why I've decided to change. I want to be a true Yuki onna. One who is not controlled by her feelings, one who is emotionless. Now that Kana is always with Rikuo-sama, I don't think my presence is still needed. Besides with Ao at school, Rikuo-sama should be fine. These thoughts of mine made me think that maybe, I can stop going to school. Maybe, finally, I can stay in this form of mine. Maybe, I can finally help myself. Maybe this is the rest that I needed. Maybe.. maybe—

A rustling of leaves brought me back from my reverie. I looked at the bush in front of me and readied my fear. Who could it be? Is it an enemy? It can't possibly be Rikuo-sama and the others, after all, I'm pretty sure they're going to come in from the lobby.

"Who are you? Show yourself." With one hand covering my chest, I spoke clearly noticing the icy venom in my voice which is so unlike my high-pitched voice in my younger form.

"I think I should be the one asking you that. Who are you?" A familiar deep voice emanated from the shadow behind the bushes. The shadow finally revealed itself.

"Ri-rikuo-sama?"

"Huh? How did you know me? Have I met you before?" he asked.

"I.. uh.. I.." I said while stuttering. I didn't know what to do. He hasn't seen me in this form before. I.. Should I just tell him that I'm Tsurara but.. I don't know how he would react. I mean, I've kept this from him and surely, I… I.. wait. Why am I feeling dizzy..

"Hey, are you okay? You look pale. Hey.. Hey.."

I looked at him and then I fainted.

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sooooo... whaddya think? RnR please. =)))


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